"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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