Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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