is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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