id be glad to
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
