TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
