I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
