Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
