There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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