as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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