i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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