Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize