The maid of honor just puked.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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