i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
