just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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