Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize