You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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