Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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