Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
