yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
