i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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