This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
