You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
