Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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