his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
