I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize