...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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