between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize