is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
