I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
how can u be prego again
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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