K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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