she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
