I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
