Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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