Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
