we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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