Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
