I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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