Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
