So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
