I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
3pm strippers are depressing
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
this hospital has no fireball
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
