I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
