I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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