I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
