HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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