i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
