Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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