I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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