found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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