I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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