We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
