No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize