im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
