What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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