I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize