just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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