I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
