erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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