Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
