that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
