there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
