My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
