i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
