If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
