I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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