Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
