Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
