all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
