3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize