So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
