my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
