Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
