I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
