When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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